Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Satiation..??

My last blog was on April 8th and its been 4 months and i am still suffering from a blogger's block..After reading some great blogs,its kinds reconfirmed that my blog would get a rating of 3.5/10..(What an optimist!!!)..Where the world changes in a minute,a 4 month break is like an era. Lots have changed in this period,some for the better and some...
I am finally done with my MBA and thankfully employed.Now I work in an ad agency and am getting paid for what I always wanted to do.Its some kinda miracle!Its really like a dream come true.The next best thing that happened to me is that finally I have a place of my own.I stay alone.Its a small room on the terrace.A penthouse,you see!(thats my snooty personality no 17 speaking)Its one hell of a place.Every night when I am back home,the terrace is the place where I unwind,listen to music,smoke and enjoy the silence (barring the few loud and long howls by the street dogs).From the distance I can se the Philips Tower,standing all bright and cheerful..Its awesome.
In these 4 months,I have met a lot of new people and lost a lot of old ones.Life is infact a continious metamorphosis and yeah,we human beings also moult.
Its been so far so good..I am free,independent and no longer claustrophobic..Looks like finally I have made it..life is now more like a dream and I am satiated..Satiated??..Naah..The next thing I wanna do is...(there I go on...!Gawd!)

Monday, August 01, 2005

Know me is know how...

The "Know Me" Tag
The "Know Me" Tag

Three Names You Go By:
Amritarupa (but now its turned to amrita and rupa..aargh!)
Amrita( A shorter version of the former..but in maharashtra its Amruta and here in south india its amritha..)
Amu(Thts what my frens call me.)

Three screen names:
Gabbling Away..(Thts my orkut screen name now..for a person who can yap nonstop..its kinda ideal)
pipi ... (Thts my chat id that i had used years ago..those memories..(dreamy eyes))
binny_y2k..(this is from the y2k era..binny??..still dunno..)

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:(aha!!finally I can go on my narcissistic trip!!)
My Smile
My Nose
My -----

Three physical things I don't like about myself:(only 3!!! i could just go on & on..)
My HAIR
My GIRTH
My FEET ...


Four parts of my heritage:
Darjeeling ... born there ... and someday wanna go back n settle there forever..
Kolkata..my school..lotsa goood memories..
Pune..Where all the GROWIN up happened..literally..
Hyderabad..

Three things that scare me:
Losing the people I love..
My mind..
Uncertainity..

Three things I want in a relationship:
Love
Fun
Compatibility..


Three statements about you which are not all true or all false:
I am very rational..
I am overtly competitive..
I am a *BITCH*..

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to me:
Smile..
Voice..
Strong arms..

Three things I want to do badly right now:As in Now??
Leave office and go to sleep..( I dont have too much work today..:-(...)
Meet someone..
Go to some hillstation for a couple of days...

Three places I want to go on a vacation:
Himachal Pradesh ... I think its heaven
Greece ... Where's the dough??.. Blue waters n small white houses..
Vienna...thanx to the movie - "before sunrise"

Three Kids names I like:
Agastya
Reva
Bozo


Three things to do before I die:
Have a bank balance of over a crore of rupees,hmm..dollar is better..
Go backpackin across Europe and South America
Be very very very happy..

Three essentials in my day to day:
Radio city..
my ciggs..
Money..

Three things I am wearing right now:
My fav black shirt
A UCOB perfume
A smile

Friday, April 08, 2005

Saturday, April 02, 2005

..and Amrita lived happily ever after......

Will this be the fairy tale ending of my MBA story,when I look at my placement officer,she really makes me feel so..
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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Claustrophobia...

Have you ever felt a sudden urge to be alone..all alone.Or move to a place where noone knows you.A feeling of walking into an apartment,where only you stay..only you.Dunno if you do,but nowdays I fell that way.Theres a sudden desire to be all by myself,live only for myself,hibernate till i wanna come out & meet the rest of the world.
I have been in a hostel for the major part of my life,shared my room with 2/3 room mates or my dorm with 42 others.Apart from the bed and the cupboard,nothin was my own. There wasn't a place where i could go and be all alone. Yeah,there were always the loos but with 50 other people using it,it wasnt the heaven that u always dream of.And no thought there can be stronger than the stench.
The few years I had been with my parents,at home,the room was mine but the space wasn't.My mother strongly believes that in a typical Indian family (which she thought we were,nbut now she begs to differ),there is nothing as private space. Everything is a family issue & can be worked out as just another dinner table solutions. In a year's time, I will be married to the man I have loved for a long time.The house would be "our" house. But the craving for solitude has not subsided.Told my mom and my would be husband,that i need 6 months..6 months all to myself..6 months in a place,where I would be a complete stranger.But they think its another bout of insanity. Looks like my wish for solitary confinement will never be granted!!

Standing in a crowd,
a creepy little doubt,
Fills up my mind,
in a desparate bid to find,
a place for myself,
a place of my own,
very far from that place,
where from childhood,
i have grown,
Will the search ever end?,
And the rules ever bend?..

Monday, March 14, 2005

A world of our own..

When i had left Mumbai one n a half years back,I had dreamt big.Dreamt of sailing through the MBA course & landing up with a job that would assure me a fat pay packet.I had planned to settle down in bangalore itself & enjoy the slow paced life compared to the mad rush back home.That was my vision,mission and goal at that juncture in life.
The First realisation that dawned on me was how much I missed Mumbai. Though unlike my classmates it wasnt the first time i had left home (i have been in a hostel for the major part of my life) . Still I missed Mumbai & it was to such an extent that I had ended up comparing every street,every corner,every house to Mumbai and realised that Home is infact where the heart is .And my heart was'nt in bangalore!
I was told before joining the course that one doesnt make friends In MBA colleges.not when you aim to bag the best placements and projects & in the process become selfish..very selfish.I was even told before leaving that for the next 2 years,I would have to live in cocoon.It would only be I,me & myself,a true sign of a professional (all i can do when i think of this theory,is swear!)
Realisation II was that when u make good friends, you neither live in a cocoon nor believe in the I,me & myself theory. Here,we are a group of people who makes each other's lives in bangalore worth living!. For us, " we " matter more than 'me',more than projects,more than placements,et all.It's our own world,away from the incessant pressures of college,profs & our own career expectations.Where "we" look forward to the evenings in our den & over a cup of chai or kaapi , go through the day's happenings,gossip about who's doing what..who's seeing whom, & bitch about our "common enemies". Where i dread the weekends when some of us would go home and for the remaining (which is mostly me) it is empty corridors & lonely days. Where, birthdays mean a cake appearing out of no-where at midnight and loud out-of-tune "happy birthday to you..". And later,where you are stripped of all your savings in the name of a birthday treat. Where exams rock & are more like picnics with loads of food for the night-outs and inedible PJs cracked under stress.A world where you never feel lonely and depressed.
This post is an ode to Sarita,Anu,Ciby and Niti for making my life so much better here.Love you guys!

Monday, March 07, 2005

The class apart!

My IV & final sem has finally started ..and today was my first class.Like every semester i have promised myslef to be a good student this time - listen in class, take down notes,complete assignments on time n yeah take those precious "photocopies" before the D day. As per the plan,for the first half n hour i did painfully try to pay attention n decipher every word spoken by my prof..But finally when i couldn't fake it any longer i gave up..After all its Finance!!. Decided to sit for the next two hours n do some soul-searchin(which incidentally is one of the 9 S's of stratgey..i wasnt completely off track you see). So i looked around and saw 50 odd faces n realised that why not analyse my own class!!i have always considered marketing to be my core specialisation. And in order to know marketin,I have to know abt human behaviour. And i had to start somewhere..right?

The Front benchers
This is the group that glorifies the name of any institution.They are the lecturer's best friends. Life for them is a strategy Always attentive and always eager to learn!.Armed with well-maintained notebooks n pens of various colours,they come to college with a mission.And why wouldn't they?..The headings are drawn in Red with wormy underlines in Green,the body written in Blue and the sub-headings are marked in pink..Signs of a really Colorful existence!.They are the dreams that parents have about ideal children when they plan for a baby..and then people like me are born..lol!They are found in class rooms,if they aren't in the library and in their study room at home if they are not found in both those places.They make all of us proud..!!!

The Middle Benchers
In my class,they belong to the brainy people who have managed to crack the CET with excellent scores and hence pay peanuts compared to us.They are truly,deeply and madly in love with finance and anything remotely related to it. Pride themselves when they are addressed as finance wizs.Most of them absorb every single word spoken by our finance profs,with their mouth wide open and their pens ferociously note down every pearl of wisdom. They hate marketing subjects, find consumer behaviour and marketing management boring (aargh!),criticise Kotler for wasting valuable text space by givin examples..and think that marketing students are basically freaks to spend their life "selling soaps"!!

The Last Benchers
Then they are people like us.The lords of the last benches.People who feel that inspite of the whopping amount that has been shelled out on our education - Life is fun!.For us studying on regular basis is a sign of impending lunacy.Where after a week of yawning and stretching , weekend is party time. People whose library card only contain the names of issued novels, who buy books a day before the exams and sell them a day after - and still make profits.
People who dont slog but manage to to pass the exams with flyin colors...In a nutshell,who dont need management education- coz they are born managers!!

Sunday, February 27, 2005

how could you do this to me..!!!

Thats how i begin my conversations with my dad these days..i do it every single time...how could he bring home a wheighing scale!!! and that too when i'm around!!...Had a minor cardiac arrest the other evening when i measured my weight(after months)..
Now I smell conspiracy....Have I been such a pest that my folks want to pack me off to bangalore? Or has realisation dawned on them that their daughter infact is not at all presentable..n needs to look more like a human...?? Whatever it is...it has made my nice little holiday at home a nightmare..! The green machine stays put...when my life is completely shaken..Now everytime i look at mom and dad,i sing my current anthem - "I'm nobody's child,nobody loves me..."...The result - zilch...The green monster is still at home...Gawd!!
Well today is dad's birthday..moms in the kitchen and i can smell the delicacies..Its one in the afternoon ...Lunch time..Moms laying the table and i expectantly walk towards it....Then i see the green monster and i realise that my appetite just passed away!!

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Maladies of life...

“A lot of things go unquestioned,
A lot of questions go unanswered,
A few words go unsaid,
A few go unheard,
Some dreams are buried,
Some dreams are born dead,
That’s life !!!”
Read this in a Short Message Service – but I know that it will live with me for the longest part of my life…..what a paradox!!!

Friday, February 25, 2005

life in a penitentiary... (part II)

When I had reached the hostel gates,I realized that the information had been conveyed..(thanx to the modern communication channels)..The Gates were sealed..Apart from our regular gurkha , the sheepish looking admin officer were forming the human barriers to my entry .. back to hell..Mr.Sheep was on the phone , and by his horrified glances I could understand that it was the Iron lady on the other end.All that I could do standing in front of Mr.Sheep and our gurkha was to smile..I was surprised to realize that I wasn’t scared (what happened to the old amrita?)..Mr.Sheep told me that I could only walk in after personally speaking to our great jailor..which was fine with me, considering the full-proof plan that I had hatched..The plan was to tell her that I was in front of Rex no doubt,but I was there with my Dad..& hence there wasn’t any violation of the penitentiary rules..
My dad had unwillingly yielded to compassion..The consideration – half an hour of Global Gyaan..which finally ended (thank gawd!!) but with a question “were u outside Rex or outside a bar?”.. On being assured that I was infact outside Rex..did he finally agree…But unfortunately neither the Iron Lady nor Mr.Sheep was in the mood for a pardon...I had to plead guilty and wait for my sentence…I was sure that the sentence could range from solitary confinement (which is what I was goin through at the moment as my cell mate was finally acquitted and sent home) to execution…amidst the animated discussions that the jailor and Mr.Sheep were havin in kannada , i was busy wondering what sentence were they finalizing…After a long time… which felt like ages,they finally agreed..(or should I say..The Iron Lady decided and Mr.Sheep bleated)..and what was it??..500 bucks fine..!!!! …..500 bucks!! I had to shell out 5 crispy hundred rupee notes..and that’s how I bought my entry back into cell no 303!...
At night dressed in my XXL prison outfit I evaluated my opportunity costs…500 bucks meant so much..500 bucks could have been equal to 2 kurtas from “Khadder” …OR 10 Zinger Burgers from KFC… OR 6 ½ Pints of Beer.. OR 50 rented VCDs from the neighboring CD shop.. OR 350 Rs worth talktime on my next hutch recharge… OR 6 pirated books from the pavements of M.G Road… OR 17 packs of Gold Flake Kings !!!!(gawd..was I tired !)…..But then I looked around my cell..saw its walls with my favorite pics and my biiiig Pajero poster...saw my computer…my big soft toy…saw my bed with my new pillow and my warm blanket …And I realized that it was actually worth it…worth every rupee.. coz whether heaven or hell..I was in love with 303!!

Thursday, February 03, 2005

life in a penitentiary... (part I)

It was one of those evenings i was looking forward to..A perfect ending to a perfect day..When i stepped into the premises of Rex,I hadnt felt a thing..No black cat had crossed my path,I hadnt walked under a ladder or for that matter my left eye didnt twitch..It was blissful..The entire morning had been spent lazying around,watchin a movie,reading a book n not studying..The best part was the fact that i wasnt guilty..afterall, i had survived four of the toughest papers of this semester,had nearly 4 days to prepare for the next..so life was indeed beautiful..
But it had all started with the movie.."page 3 "!!!???!!!....All i remember in between yawns and sighs were ugly people acting as socialites,parties,flashbulbs,gay men,horny women,more parties,more flashbulbs...zzzzz....The best part of the entire movie was my caramel popcorn..
Disaster struck as soon as i walked out of the theatre..In the midst of deciding where to head for dinner..I turned back once..n i froze..Standing there right in front of me was my college vehicle..A big white sumo with my college name written all over it..(Talk of surrogate advertising!!!)..And it was then that my mind stopped working..I dashed back into the theatre in a desparate bid not to be spotted.. (afterall,alcatraz closed its gate at 9p.m and there i was staning in front of rex at 9.02!!!).But as luck would have had it,they did spot me..My lady jailor rolled down her window and told my happless friends to inform me that i was caught..And i knew that i was screwed..!! The sad faces of my parents loomed in front of my eyes..n I knew that i couldnt let them go through this again..(again..??..now thats another story..)..but gawd,what could i do?
Who says India isnt good at disaster management..My friends dished out solutions by the minute and all i could do, was stare at them with a blank look..
A friend of mine,lets call him A.. suggested that the best thing would be to return to the hostel..well thank god he did suggest that n i did listen.....
Well when my auto stopped in front of my hostel gates,i knew that i just wasnt in trouble..i was in deeeeep trouble!!!.... (to be continued..)

Monday, January 31, 2005

Sensitivity analysis

2005....
Its been a long time since I have written something..anything at all..Looks like nowdays i suffer from a perpetual writer's block (writer..!!??)..Just wanted to give it a last try.The naming ceremony of this new blog took us 2 minutes in all..One n a half for me to list down 4/5 names and took my frens 30 seconds to choose one..."sensitivity analysis " which won by a huge majority of 2 : nil....Sensitivity analysis, also called the "what if analysis " perfectly describes my penchant to make my life so complicated that i have to sit back and think "what if " it hadnt happened or for that matter "what if " it had..gawd..!!Read somewhere "My toruble is that I analyse life instead of liev it!" how true..The new year had started with a bang..Had been to the worst party in town..paid a whopping (mind u,I am student!) 800 bucks only to be totally dissappointed..That was the grand beginning..It rightfully continued into an attendance fiasco at college,which if could describe in the best way would sound like "I had almost landed myself in deep shit!!"..Yeah after that i did have a breather,but before i could recover,had a bad bad fight with one of my closest friends ,which looks like has already done a pemanent damage to a good friendship..And all that in just 17 days and i have another 348 days to go!! GOD!!Hmmmm....2005 and whatta beginning! 2005.... 2+0+0+5 = 7...And I thought 7 was my lucky number!!