Claustrophobia...

Have you ever felt a sudden urge to be alone..all alone.Or move to a place where noone knows you.A feeling of walking into an apartment,where only you stay..only you.Dunno if you do,but nowdays I fell that way.Theres a sudden desire to be all by myself,live only for myself,hibernate till i wanna come out & meet the rest of the world.
I have been in a hostel for the major part of my life,shared my room with 2/3 room mates or my dorm with 42 others.Apart from the bed and the cupboard,nothin was my own. There wasn't a place where i could go and be all alone. Yeah,there were always the loos but with 50 other people using it,it wasnt the heaven that u always dream of.And no thought there can be stronger than the stench.
The few years I had been with my parents,at home,the room was mine but the space wasn't.My mother strongly believes that in a typical Indian family (which she thought we were,nbut now she begs to differ),there is nothing as private space. Everything is a family issue & can be worked out as just another dinner table solutions. In a year's time, I will be married to the man I have loved for a long time.The house would be "our" house. But the craving for solitude has not subsided.Told my mom and my would be husband,that i need 6 months..6 months all to myself..6 months in a place,where I would be a complete stranger.But they think its another bout of insanity. Looks like my wish for solitary confinement will never be granted!!

Standing in a crowd,
a creepy little doubt,
Fills up my mind,
in a desparate bid to find,
a place for myself,
a place of my own,
very far from that place,
where from childhood,
i have grown,
Will the search ever end?,
And the rules ever bend?..